


Not Just Admiration

by thanatopis



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: M/M, discovery of feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-13
Updated: 2015-03-13
Packaged: 2018-03-17 14:38:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3533087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thanatopis/pseuds/thanatopis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hinata realizes he has feelings for Tanaka...<em>romantic</em> feelings, involving wanting to kiss and touch. Scared of messing up, Hinata goes to the most least helpful person in the world for advice, because it's obvious that Tsukishima Kei is a whole bunch of different kinds of gay--except for the "gay" that actually matters: His outlook on life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Just Admiration

**Author's Note:**

> based off this wonderful art [here](http://robotsharks.tumblr.com/post/112735082635/whatta-bunch-of-losers-part-1-part-2) and [here](http://robotsharks.tumblr.com/post/111062202645/i-dont-even-watch-hq-anymore-but-i-still-really)

It starts with simple admiration of course.

Hinata Shouyou is a starry-eyed first year with big dreams and an even bigger jump when he walks into the large gymnasium and meets the Karasuno boys’ volleyball team for the first time.

The boy from Kitagawa Daichi is there too—the infamous _King of the Court_ —which Hinata thinks is such an awesome nickname wasted on a pouty and grumpy guy that has skills anyone would be jealous of. You would think that would make someone happy and friendly, but Kageyama Tobio seems to defy those expectations.

The captain scares Hinata a bit, with how his eyes crinkle with false nicety and his voice pitches low whenever someone has done something to upset him. The vice-captain is easy to talk to— a warm, comforting presence in the club whereas all the rest are initially tall and intimidating to Hinata’s small and unassuming.

Tsukishima is a jerk, rivals Kageyama for worst personality of the year award. Hinata can’t decide which one of them deserves it more. And he can’t get close enough to Yamaguchi without Tsukishima there so Hinata rules it a lost cause without even trying.

So it’s inevitable that Hinata drifts to Tanaka Ryuunosuke like a plant seeking out the sun.

It’s easy to lose his initial nerves in Tanaka’s laughter, in those reassuring and fond pats on his head, and how he insists for Hinata to call him senpai as a reward after executing an amazing play.

So two months later when Hinata catches himself staring intensely at a how Tanaka wipes sweat off his brow with the bottom of his shirt, revealing a tan, toned stomach underneath, Hinata merely rights it off as ‘admiration’ because what else would it be?

Hinata’s pretty sure he likes girls. He finds Kiyoko extremely pretty and gets nervous whenever she speaks to him so that has to count for something, right?

So if he finds himself staring a bit too long at Tanaka’s forearms or how his shoulder blades shift under his sweat drenched t-shirt—sticking to his skin, it can’t be helped because Tanaka is one of the coolest people he knows and why wouldn’t he stare?

A week later after the practice with Nekoma and they’re back home in Miyagi, getting changed with sore legs and knees, getting ready to clear out and call it a day.

It’s quite except for the ruffling of putting belonging in bags and the shuffle of feet. Hinata goes through the motions absentmindedly, shrugging on a clean white t-shirt as he wonders how much higher can he jump or how much harder can he hit the ball. Of course all with Kageyama’s help. They’re still working out the kinks of their quick strike.

It’s by pure coincidence when Hinata happens to look over to his right and sees Tanaka lift out of his shirt in a slow, sensuous roll that makes the wires in Hinata’s brain cross then fry. Tanaka’s facing away from Hinata as he does it, so Hinata doesn’t bother turning his head and giving Tanaka the modesty he knows his senpai deserves.

Hinata feels his heartbeat thud violently inside the cavity his chest, his pulse coursing loudly through his ears as he dares a look down, eyes lidding.

Tanaka has a really nice butt. _Really nice._

It’s round and muscly and…Hinata kind of really wants to touch it?

It’s something Hinata’s never really noticed before, but it’s there now in the forefront of his mind—‘Tanaka Ryuunosuke has a really nice butt and I wanna touch it’—and Hinata doubts he’ll ever forget.

Tanaka’s back is another story, sprinkled every so often with freckles and sunspots speaking of hours playing in the sun. His back is something to be greatly envious of. Hinata can’t help but to watch how muscles seem to ripple over his skin, etched like those fancy statues in European museums and Hinata has a powerful desire to chase the movement with his fingertips.

 _This…this is just admiration—isn’t it?_ Hinata wonders, hurriedly turning away and biting his lip, realizing just how long he’s been staring with the others in the room.

He admires Kageyama and Tsukishima in some respect in relation to volleyball but he would never want to _touch them_ —nor has he ever thought about touching them in any kind of way that he has in regard with Tanaka.

It’s then that Hinata finally realizes that he’s gay for Tanaka.

Like _extremely_ gay for him and has been for a while. That it took perving out on his unsuspecting senpai in the locker room to realize it.

So what does Hinata do with this information?

He goes to Tsukishima of course who obviously has experience in being gay.

* * *

 

Seeking the advice that he needs is harder than Hinata originally thought.

First off, Tsukishima is almost impossible to find during lunch hours. It’s like he does it on purpose.

Tsukishima doesn’t normally eat in his homeroom which is where Hinata looks at first, hoping that if he doesn’t find Tsukishima, Yamaguchi will at least help him out, but then he realizes that mostly likely Yamaguchi _will be_ with Tsukishima and the whole plan goes to hell.

Groaning loudly, Hinata searches the campus up and down, sipping on a juice box as he goes. He checks the roof, behind the shed, and the clubroom and almost gives up until he sees a big, tall, and blond figure leaning coolly against the wall by the vending machine where Kageyama always buys his milk.

Hinata gapes.

“You were here the whole time!?” Hinata shouts and Tsukishima winces slightly.

“You passed me like three times, what do you want?” Tsukishima sighs as if simply talking is expending too much of his energy. His headphones lie loosely around his neck, playing music softly that Hinata can’t quite make out but he doesn’t think he’d like anyways.

Hinata pouts, sighing out of the corner of his mouth.

“What do you want?” Tsukishima repeats, this time more impatient and Hinata squares his shoulders, looking Tsukishima right in the eye as he gathers his courage and says:

“Tsukishima, you’re gay right?”

Tsukishima chokes on something that might be air or his tongue, sputtering and turning an interesting shade of red as he looks at Hinata in horror. He must have said it a bit too loudly because some of the other students walking by pause in what they’re doing, giving Hinata and Tsukishima curious and reproachful looks both.

Hinata shrinks into himself a bit, scratching lightly at his cheek. “Ah…”

Tsukishima scoffs, regaining his aloof coolness as he grabs Hinata’s wrist and drags him off to a more secluded area of the court yard. Hinata trips a couple of times, Tsukishima’s long legs carry him further than Hinata’s short ones so keeping up without falling on his face proves more of a challenge than he would like.

“What the actual fuck, you midget.” Tsukishima hisses, sitting himself down on a bench opposite of Hinata.

Hinata winces, rubbing at his sore wrist. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to be that loud.”

Tsukishima huffs, still looking a bit flustered. The tips of his ears are bright red.

“Why the hell do you want to know if I’m gay or not?”

He looks mildly suspicious, looking at Hinata with narrowed, skeptical eyes, the gold in them flashing.

“Are you?” It’s meant to be a question to get Hinata to back off, let him know that Tsukishima doesn’t want to talk if he’s not being completely serious.

After a moment of hesitation, Hinata nods his head, fidgeting nervously with his fingers.

“I think I might be, yeah…”

Tsukishima’s shoulders relax as he leans back into the bench, looking at Hinata with a new kind of thoughtful consideration.

His brow arches, “So…what does this have to do with me…?”

Hinata can see the nobs and wheels turn in Tsukishima’s brain. It’s kind of frightening how fast he reaches a conclusion.

Tsukishima sputters, eyes growing comically wide. “Are you-are you trying to _confess_ to me right now?”

Hinata steps back, making a high pitched sound somewhere inside his throat that sounds like a cat being run over by a tractor. He shakes his head back and forth furiously. As if he would _ever_ like Tsukishima in that way. Gross.

“No, you idiot! I came to you looking for some advice! It’s obvious that you and Yamaguchi are gay for each other so I thought you could help.”

Tsukishima is still watching him with a dubious look, glimpsing around as if to see that he’s not being pranked or video tapped. He hasn’t denied anything yet so Hinata thinks it’s a start.

After a moment, Tsukishima barks a dry laugh, corners of his mouth drawling up in a callous smirk. “You and the King not working out or something?”

Hinata frowns, shaking his head.

He steps closer, taking a seat next to Tsukishima on the bench.

Shoulders sagging, Hinata ushers a defeated breath, drawling up his knees and resting his chin on them.

“It’s not Kageyama…uh, I-I think I like Tanaka-san. I mean, _like_ like him. A lot.” Hinata awkwardly clears his throat, not chancing a look at Tsukishima, not wanting to see the possible mockery there and instead tries to hide behind his hair. When Tsukishima doesn’t say anything (he doesn’t know if that’s worse or not) Hinata laughs nervously.

“I literally figured it out Tuesday after looking at his—uhhh…nevermind.”

Hinata wiggles, fingers twitching madly at Tsukishima’s continued silence.

“Well _say_ something, jerkass!” Hinata shouts when it becomes too unbearable, his cheeks incredibly hot.

Tsukishima coughs, “Sorry, I…I wasn’t expecting that. That was _honestly_ the last person I was expecting.”

Hinata frowns, finally looking up. “Why?”

Tsukishima shrugs, “Well it makes sense now. But…I don’t know, I thought it was either Kageyama or that guy from Nekoma. You two have this weird… _thing_.”

Hinata manages a laugh, easing out of his hiding crouch.

“Kenma? Oh no way, he’s not really interested in dating and things like that.”

Tsukishima quietly nods his head, looking back out over the courtyard.

“So what are you going to do?” Tsukishima asks. “Tanaka, last time I checked, had a constant hard-on for Kiyoko-san, not that that’s going anywhere, but still…you probably need to keep that in consideration.”

Hinata’s considered the possibility that Tanaka might not like boys and even if he did, it still wouldn’t guarantee that he would like Hinata back.

It’s a very sobering thought…Tanaka not liking him back.

“What should I do?” Hinata whispers, digging his chin back into his knees.

Sighing, Tsukishima rises from the bench, righting his glasses and dusting off the imaginary dirt off his uniform.

“That should be obvious you idiot— _tell him_.”

* * *

 

Tsukishima turns out to be no help at all. Instead, he ends up being a constant source of embarrassment for Hinata whenever they are at practice and he says something off handed that is incredibly vague to the team but blaringly obvious to Hinata. It’s like Tsukishima wants to see how hard he can make Hinata blush by slyly mentioning his crush on Tanaka.

It’s infuriating.

Telling Tanaka is easier said than done though.

Hinata lists off a bunch of places and moments that would be the most opportune to tell Tanaka of his crush, but whenever Hinata’s there—actually in the moment with Tanaka grinning or laughing—he gets cold feet and promises himself again that next time he’ll finally do it.

Hinata sulks during practice. He can’t focus for his life and the amount of times he’s been hit in the face with a volleyball today is currently increasing.

Worryingly enough to his teammates, the initial sting of it doesn’t even bother him anymore.

Asahi and Sugawara keep a protective eye on him, nice enough to shout whenever Hinata’s about to get spiked with another ball. Hinata’s beginning to think the universe just might have something against him.

Kageyama is _fuming_ , calling him a dumbass on repeat that Hinata just starts to agree to avoid getting his head crushed in by the claw.

He’s just not feeling it today.

“Shouyou, what’s going on with you?” Hinata startles when Tanaka appears out of nowhere from behind him. He turns in a flurry of movement, arms flailing wildly as a flush instantly stains his cheeks that has nothing to do with exertion or being hit in the face 20-something times with a volleyball.

Tanaka is frowning, his hip cocked and hand sassily placed on it as he looks down at Hinata, eyes roaming slowly over his face. Hinata squirms under that look, not able to return it.

“I just uh—I can’t seem to concentrate today.” Hinata laughs shakily, trying to play it off in good humor. Tanaka doesn’t buy it.

He snorts, “Well yeah, that much is obvious. You not feeling well or something? You’re all red.”

Hinata swears he hears Tsukishima’s laugh from across the court as he seizes, turning an even brighter shade under Tanaka’s close scrutinization. He has a thought of running away, yelling about needing to go to the bathroom to avoid this horrible situation all together, but he’s braver than that.

 _It’s now or never Shouyou_ , Hinata thinks. _Just get it over with now so you can start focusing and get this off your chest._

In his peripheral version the gymnasium seems to dim down a bit too just Tanaka and him. It’s easier for Hinata to do this when he believes it’s just the two of them practicing alone together, without a care in the world.

Hinata doesn’t even notice how everyone pauses in what they’re doing, having picked up on the rapidly changing atmosphere, looking at the both of them in curiosity and not really knowing what to expect.

The loud squeaky sounds of shoes against the varnished floors stops and registers vaguely to Hinata’s senses. His heart feels like it’s about to jump right out of his chest and into the palm of his hand. It’s a nice feeling, filling him with a sort of adrenaline that he finds only right before the start of a game.

Standing tall, Hinata finds his voice, making sure that he knows what exactly he wants to say, exactly how he wants to say it.

He knows he’s taking a flying leap, but even so, he knows somehow he’ll still find his feet.

“Tanaka-senpai!”

Tanaka startles a bit, eyes widening as he takes a half step back.

“Yes?”

Hinata wills Tanaka still with his eyes, the fire in them passionate and determined as he squares his shoulders and gathers his breath.

“You’re so freaking hot, please date me!”

It’s almost like the world stops spinning and time itself ceases to exist.

The immediate feeling is dread—dread that he could be such…such a fucking dumbass.

Hinata Shouyou, 15 years old, and a first year at Karasuno High will forever remember this day as the day that he died. In every meaning of the word.

He balks, “…Okay, I did not mean to blurt it out like that.”

It takes exactly six seconds for someone to shout what’s all on their minds.

Nishinoya Yuu is that kind soul.

“Holy. Fucking. Shit—Shouyou just totally went for it! Guns blazing!”

The flush that descends over Hinata this time reaches his neck as he realizes that he just confessed—rather horribly—with the whole team there as spectators. Hinata has a horrible image of them all sitting at a judge’s table, holding up numbers one through ten. Most of them are ones.

“Um,” Sugawara shyly speaks up, looking back and forth between Hinata and Daichi, desperate for some sort of direction.

Asahi, whose hiding behind his shirt _behind_ Suga looks about as red as Hinata feels and he wants to _die_. Maybe crawl into a hole for about ten years and reemerge when he can’t remember each startled or excited face of his teammates.

“W-why don’t we call it a day gentlemen…give these two _uh_ some room or something. We’ll clean up later...” Daichi finishes lamely, walking towards the gym exit and giving everyone looks that demands that they _quickly_ and without comment follow along.

The worst part is that Tanaka hasn’t said a thing.

Hinata doesn’t have the guts to looks at him, instead he watches his sneakers scuffle together and hopes that the rejection isn’t too harsh, even though he deserves it.

Tanaka shifts on his feet, clearing his throat and Hinata can hear the sound of his fingers smoothing over his buzz cut.

He whistles lowly, “That was _bold_ Shouyou.”

Hinata solemnly nods his head, “I-I’m sorry, I just—It just came out and—”

Hinata gasps softly when he feels a comforting weight on his head.

He looks up from under the fringe of his unruly bangs, startled, eyes both wide and hopeful as gapes stupidly at Tanaka’s face—the soft, reassuring smile that makes his heart stutter and the way his eyes crinkle in admiration and fondness. It’s all simply too much.

Tanaka ruffles his hair, giving a big, joyful laugh.

He smiles playfully, cuffing Hinata lightly on the arm. “So you think I’m sexy, huh?”

Somehow, it sounds like a yes.


End file.
